In my previous post, I explored how people with imposter feelings can end up trying to win at coaching: seeking their coach’s approval, asking how they compare with other clients, and needing reassurance that they’re doing a good job.
But there’s another side to that story. Coaches are not immune to imposter feelings. And when a coach’s wish to be a great coach meets a client’s wish to be a great client, the result can be two people quietly performing for each other, and very little real exploration.
In this post, I want to be candid about how that pull shows up for coaches, including me, and share what I do about it in my own practice as a coaching psychologist.
Coaches can feel like frauds too
Imposter feelings are common across a wide range of professions, meaning coaches do’t get to be immune. For a coach, imposter feelings might show up as:
- Needing the client to say the session was useful
- Rushing to offer solutions or insights to prove you’re adding value
- Over-preparing for sessions, meaning you lose all flexibility in the session itself
- Believing you should always know the perfect next question
- Feeling a session has failed if there was no obvious breakthrough
- Comparing yourself with other coaches, their credentials, their client lists or their testimonials
I’m very susceptible to the last of these points and work hard to be curious rather than judgemental when I notice I’m doing it. None of this makes someone a poor coach. But it does matter. The quality of the communication, focus and authenticity between coach and client is key to making any progress. If both people in the room are performing, it’s much harder for either of them to be honest.
So this is what I do
Below are six things I do in my practice. For each one, I’ve described the imposter pull I notice in myself, and how I try to respond to it.
1. I contract for it early
The pull: Wanting to impress and ensure the client has a positive experience immediately.
What I do: From the chemistry session onwards, I’m clear that there are no grades in coaching. Unfinished actions and setbacks are welcome, and some sessions will feel messier than others. That’s part of the process, not a sign it isn’t working. Saying this out loud helps my clients relax into the work. I also underline that I’m not the benchmark for any comparisons or goals, which helps take the pressure off me.
2. I notice reassurance seeking, mine and theirs
The pull: When a client asks “Was that OK?”, it’s tempting to reassure them straight away. If I’m honest, part of that urge comes from wanting the same reassurance back.
What I do: I pause and get curious rather than simply reassuring. “What would it mean if this session hadn’t gone well?”, for example. I also keep an eye on my own reassurance seeking. Ending every session with “Was that useful?” can be a perfectly reasonable check-in, but it can also be a coach quietly asking for a good mark.
3. I don’t keep score
The pull: Evaluating myself by client breakthroughs, glowing testimonials or how quickly people seem to progress, and comparing myself with other coaches.
What I do: I don’t compare clients with one another or offer verdicts on how well someone is doing. Instead, I hand the evaluation back: “How do you think you’re doing against what you wanted from coaching?” This keeps the client’s own judgement at the centre of the work. It also frees me from the role of judge, which is one I’m not sure anyone should hold in a coaching relationship.
4. I make the pattern something we can talk about
The pull: Steering around awkward dynamics to keep the session feeling smooth and successful.
What I do: When I notice that a client might be performing, perhaps arriving with a polished update or apologising for not making enough progress, I name it gently and invite them to explore it. How someone approaches coaching often mirrors how they approach their work. The coaching relationship works when it’s a safe place to try doing things differently. Sometimes that also means acknowledging my own part in the dynamic.
5. I model imperfection
The pull: Needing to look as though I always know exactly what to ask next.
What I do: I say when I’m not sure, when I’d like to try a different approach, or when a question didn’t land. Acceptance and Commitment Coaching helps here. I can notice the thought “I should know this by now” without letting it steer the session. If I want my clients to see that not knowing is a normal part of learning, I need to be willing to show it myself.
6. I use supervision and reflection
The pull: Treating my own doubts as something to hide, which is really the coach’s version of editing out the messy bits.
What I do: I take those doubts to supervision and reflective practice, and treat them as useful information about the work rather than as evidence that I’m a fraud. I also try to offer myself the same self-compassion I’d encourage in a client: noticing the difficulty, recognising that it’s a common human experience, and responding with kindness rather than criticism.
Why imposter feelings matters for clients
You might wonder why a client should care about their coach’s inner life. The answer is that the coaching relationship is shared. A coach who is quietly chasing approval is more likely to reassure too quickly, to fill silences with advice, or to steer away from the uncomfortable topics that most need attention. A coach who can tolerate not knowing, and who isn’t looking to the client for a good mark, makes it far easier for the client to stop performing too.
Questions to reflect on
If you’re a coach:
- When do you most want your client to tell you that you did a good job?
- What do you do with your own doubts about a session?
If you’re working with a coach:
- Does it help to know that your coach is human too?
- What might you bring to coaching if neither of you needed to get it right?
Two people learning, not two people performing
Imposter feelings don’t disappear just because someone has the word ‘coach’ in their job title. I still notice the pull to impress, to reassure and to prove my value. What I’ve learned is that the most useful thing I can do with those feelings isn’t to hide them, but to notice them, reflect on them and let my reflections inform the work. When both people in the room can do that, coaching stops being a test and becomes what it was meant to be: a space for learning.
If you’d like to explore how coaching could help you or your team, whether through Coach on Tap, coaching for graduates, coaching for new leaders or executive coaching, book a free coaching chemistry session for a no-commitment conversation.
To learn more about the imposter phenomenon, check out Ep 228 of ‘My Pocket Psych’, where I was joined by Dr. Hayley Lewis for a conversation about the concept, its impact, and what we can do about it.