Values can feel very abstract. We know, in a vague sense, that things like connection, honesty, growth or care matter to us. But translating that into how we actually behave, especially on a difficult day, is another matter entirely.
One way to make your values feel less conceptual and more usable is to think of them as tools. Not ideals to admire from a distance, but instruments we pick up and use, again and again, in the ordinary business of living and working.
This metaphor shows up constantly in coaching conversations – whether someone is weighing up a career decision, trying to build a new exercise habit, navigating organisational change, managing a difficult relationship at work, or preparing for retirement. None of these situations comes with a rulebook. What they do come with is an opportunity to ask: what matters to me here, and how do I want to show up?
That’s where values, understood as tools, earn their keep.
What thinking of values as tools teaches us
Treating values as tools brings several useful principles into focus.
Tools imply skill.
Nobody is naturally fluent with a new tool the first time they pick it up – it feels awkward and unfamiliar. The same is true of values. Knowing what matters to you is only the starting point; using that knowledge skilfully and intentionally, especially under pressure, takes practice.
Tools have a specific purpose.
We don’t reach for one all-purpose value and apply it to every situation, every decision, every context. Just as a teaspoon isn’t designed to open a bottle (however resourceful improvising with one might feel), each value has its place. This means it’s worth getting properly familiar with the full range of things that matter to you – things plural – rather than defaulting to a single go-to value regardless of context.
Owning a tool isn’t the same as using it.
Think of the exercise equipment gathering dust, the art supplies untouched since the day they arrived, or the kitchen gadget still in its box a year later. Values work the same way. Simply being able to name your values doesn’t build familiarity with them – that only comes from actually putting them to use, repeatedly, in everyday situations.
Values work like a compass, not a satnav.
A compass gives you a sense of direction; it doesn’t hand you a precise route or a guaranteed destination. It tells you which way is north, but how far you end up walking – the next five steps or for the rest of the afternoon – depends entirely on the situation you’re in. Values behave the same way: they point us in a direction, but the specific behaviour we choose will always depend on context. That’s what makes values flexible rather than rigid and rule-based.
Tools are meant to be used, not preserved.
It’s tempting to save our values for the big moments – the major decision, the significant challenge – and otherwise leave them to one side. But tools aren’t meant to be kept in display cases, just for show. Values are most useful when they’re part of the everyday, not reserved for emergencies. And because use is rarely perfect, it helps to treat each attempt as something to learn from rather than get right first time.
It’s worth reflecting on how helpful a tool has been.
After using one of your values to guide a decision or a difficult moment, pausing to notice what difference it made builds both appreciation for its usefulness and skill in reaching for it again. Did heading in that direction make things easier, clearer, more aligned with the kind of person you want to be? Take a moment to think it through.
Values in action: Navigating overwhelm
Overwhelm is a familiar scenario where this way of thinking proves genuinely useful. Many of my coaching clients find it extremely helpful to reach into their ‘values toolkit’ when feeling overwhelmed, rather than default to an automatic response or way of coping. When we’re overwhelmed at work – particularly over a sustained period rather than just an afternoon – our decision-making narrows. We tend towards binary thinking, seeing only two ways forward, often the most extreme options rather than the most intentional ones.
In that state, it’s easy to lose touch with the kind of person we want to be, sacrificing our own standards just to get through the moment – only to find the next demand arrives, and the next, and the compromises keep stacking up.
Reconnecting with values offers an alternative. Depending on what matters most to you, this might mean:
- Staying connected to the people around you, rather than isolating yourself and trying to manage everything alone.
- Being more intentional and careful about how you communicate with others while under pressure.
- Distinguishing what genuinely matters from the ‘busy work’ that can wait, or be left altogether
- Prioritising your limited time, attention and energy deliberately, rather than letting overwhelm (and panic) dictate where they go.
- Protecting breaks, rest and sleep as part of that same prioritisation, rather than treating them as optional extras or something to be sacrificed in the name of ‘just getting through this’.
None of this removes the overwhelm. But it changes how you move through it – and that difference tends to matter, both in the moment and in how you feel about your own behaviour afterwards.
Bringing it to life
The value of the tools for life metaphor is that it demystifies something that can otherwise feel abstract or theoretical. Your values aren’t a display case to be admired occasionally. They’re a toolkit: something to clarify, to maintain, to practise using, and to reach for deliberately as you move through one context, one decision, one difficult moment after another.
Knowing what your values are is the necessary first step. But it’s the using – repeated, imperfect, reflected-upon – that turns knowing into something that actually shapes how you show up.
To find out more about values and how to bring them to life, check out the recording of this month’s ‘Learn at Lunch’ session on our online personal development community, WorkLifeSpark. It’s free to join!