Self-care has a bit of an image problem. Ask most people when they last did something to look after themselves, and they will think back to a holiday, a spa day, or a long-awaited treat.
All of which is fine – but if that is the only version of self-care we recognise, we are missing most of the picture. In this post, I want to clear up five of the most common misconceptions I encounter when working with clients on workplace wellbeing, and leave you with a practical framework you can actually use.
A working definition
Before we get into the myths, it helps to have a clear definition to work from. Self-care is whatever you do intentionally to improve your situation – most often by improving your wellbeing directly, or by making changes that allow your wellbeing to flourish. When we work with a definition that broad, we have far more opportunities to address the things that are holding us back or demanding our attention.
Myth 1: “Self-care is just pampering“
A quick Google search for self-care will serve up a lot of spa imagery and bubble baths. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself, but if that is the only lens through which you view self-care, you will find it is neither regular nor particularly useful.
Self-care can be as simple as going to bed at a reasonable time, taking a proper lunch break, or sending a message to reconnect with a friend. The question is not whether you have had a spa day recently – it is whether you are doing small, practical things to look after yourself on a regular basis.
Myth 2: “Self-care is selfish“
This one is particularly pervasive, and I would argue genuinely unhelpful. When you are busy, responsible for others, or carrying a lot of demands, pausing to look after yourself can feel like a luxury you have not earned. The guilt is real.
But here is the reframe I come back to repeatedly: self-care is a prerequisite for caring for others. If all your energy is directed outward, at some point your resources will erode – and that will affect your performance, your relationships, and your wellbeing.
Try thinking of self-care as an investment in your future self, so that you can show up as your best for the people and responsibilities that matter to you. You are not stepping back from your commitments. You are protecting your ability to meet them.
Myth 3: “Self-care is time-consuming“
This is the objection I hear most often, especially from the people who need self-care most. “I do not have time for that”. But I would push back with a simple question: how much time do you actually need?
How long does it take to text a friend and arrange a coffee? To step away from your screen, have a glass of water, and stretch your legs? To walk outside and see the sky?
We are not machines – but even if we were, machines need maintenance. Neglecting that maintenance does not save time; it creates bigger problems down the line. Self-care does not have to mean a day off. It can mean a brief, intentional pause in the middle of an ordinary day.
Myth 4: “Self-care can wait until I have more time“
Related to the above, but worth separating out: the idea that self-care is something to schedule for a future version of your life when things are calmer. The problem is that many challenges – psychological and physical – become more complex and harder to address the longer they are left unattended.
As I have discussed previously on the podcast, the ‘keep calm and carry on’ approach is a well-worn path to burnout. Self-care is something we do to invest in our wellbeing now, not as a last resort when things have become unmanageable.
Myth 5: “Self-care will make me happy“
Not always – and actually, that’s fine. Some of the most important self-care involves doing the difficult things you have been avoiding: having a conversation you have been putting off, dealing with the admin that has been quietly nagging at you, booking the doctor’s appointment. These things improve your situation. They may relieve some stress and anxiety. But they do not produce permanent happiness – and happiness is a fairly poor goal to strive for anyway.
Self-care is less about feeling good in the moment and more about doing the important things that set you up well – while also avoiding the bigger problems that arise from not making it a practice.
Making a start
As I’ve pointed out previously, self-care isn’t necessarily about doing more, but can start with inserting intentional pauses into your day. Aside from that, you can be inspired by the framework I use with my clients in coaching and training. These seven principles to help clients identify where they might focus.
Core – Attend to your fundamental physical needs: movement, sleep, hydration, nourishing food. These are not optional extras. Neglecting them is easy because the effects are not immediate, but over time the costs accumulate.
Connection – Prioritise positive interpersonal contact. It does not have to be grand; a brief text exchange, a conversation at the end of a meeting, a video call with a colleague while you both take a break. Loneliness and disconnection are genuinely harmful to our wellbeing, and small moments of connection matter.
Compassion – Practise kindness towards yourself. Acknowledge distress, pain, or difficulty, and respond with care rather than criticism. Look for sustainable ways to alleviate your distress and remember that it’s all part of being a fallible human.
Centre – Bring your attention back to the present moment. When we are absorbed in work, it is often our bodies that remind us of our needs – and often in the form of aches and pains! Pausing to check in with yourself, even briefly, helps you notice what you actually need right now.
Competence – Spend a small amount of time on intentional progress: ten minutes practising a language, a short session on a musical instrument, a tutorial in an area you want to develop. This builds a sense of capability and self-efficacy.
Completion – Do the thing you have been putting off. Procrastination is a form of avoidance, and unfinished business adds to a kind of ongoing background noise. Completing something you have been delaying removes a source of stress and genuinely improves your situation.
Contribution – Acts of kindness and giving back can themselves be a form of self-care. Helping a colleague, supporting a cause, volunteering in your community – when done with intention, contribution benefits both the recipient and the giver.
This is not a checklist and you shouldn’t feel like you need to do them all, every day. Instead, they represent jumping-off points. If one of them resonates, even a small action in that direction is a worthwhile start. The goal is not an instant transformation – it is building a practice, however modest, that helps you look after your future self.
