When you imagine self-care, you may well visualise someone easing themselves into a hot bubble bath, a glass of wine in their hand, and a big smile on their face.
You may also imagine someone settling down on the sofa with their favourite snacks, ready to watch another few episodes of their favourite box sets. That’s self-care, right? It’s sounds enjoyable.
But what about someone meeting with their manager to ask for more flexibility in their hours because of a family problem? What about sitting down at the kitchen table to work through those overdue bills? These could all be forms of self-care, depending on the context.
In this post, I want to explain what I mean by self care, explain why it’s important to cultivate healthy self-care routines, and share some suggested quality markers for what actually counts as self-care. Spoiler alert: it’s not all bubble baths and wine!
What is self-care?
The World Health Ogranisation refers to self-care as:
“…the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote and maintain their own health, prevent disease, and to cope with illness – with or without the support of a health or care worker. Self-care interventions can include medicines, devices, diagnostics and digital tools. Self-care actions include practices, habits, and lifestyle choices.”
When I discuss the importance of self-care with my coaching clients – perhaps as part of stress management work, or while they’re dealing with a significant change or transition – I describe it as the things we do intentionally to invest in our wellbeing. Either to increase or maintain levels of our physical, psychological or social wellbeing.
This is intentionally a very inclusive definition and could refer to taking a walk outdoors, meeting with a friend for social support, practicing relaxation exercises, engaging in a hobby or preparing a healthy meal.
Something I’ve observed with most discussions on self-care is that they tend to emphasise pleasurable activities, like the ones I’ve outlined above. Yet we know that sometimes in life, the important and beneficial thing to do in a situation is also the one we find uncomfortable or unpleasant. And looking at the topic through the lens of psychological flexibility means we can see the importance of taking our own context into account.
In other words, what works for one person may not work for another, as their situations and needs are so different.
Why does it matter?
If we consider wellbeing from a joined-up perspective, it’s not just about the absence of illness or injury. You may be complete illness-free, but if you’re feeling lonely and disconnected from your colleagues, can you really be said to be thriving at work?
Self-care matters because it’s all the things we can do to take care of our wellbeing outside of formally diagnosed illnesses, focusing on the stuff that’s in our control. Without considering how we can look after our own wellbeing, we’ll find ourselves feeling sub-par more often, and having to call on professional medical services more often than. needed.
Intentional and effective self-care helps us deal more effectively with the challenges that come our way, can contribute to our resilience, and helps us engage in less avoidance or procrastination.
What does ‘good’ self-care look like?
I’ve already mentioned the subjective and contextual nature of self-care. It’ll differ fromperson to person, depending on their situation. And nobody needs more rules in their lives, so I prefer to share principles. These need interpretation so they work in your situation, so it’s a bit more work – but ultimately worth it.
I share the following ‘quality markers’ for self-care activities with my clients:
Authenticity
Self-care needs to be authentic. You honestly believe and understand how it’s going to contribute to your wellbeing at this moment in time. Sure, some quiet time with a book and a drink would be nice, but what’s even more helpful is to sit down and have that difficult conversation with a colleague before the situation escalates. ‘Authentic’ also implies honesty and pragmatism – engaging with life as it is, not as we might want it to be. Adhering to this principle helps us minimise avoidance and procrastination, which rarely (if ever!) make things better.
Sustainability
Self-care needs to be sustainable. Whatever the self-care activity, it needs to be something you could continue to do without causing more problems than you’re solving. Unfortunately, a lot of what feels good isn’t ultimately very good for us. So using substances (e.g. food, caffeine, alcohol) as a primary self-care activity could actually put a dent in your wellbeing. Focusing on sustainability helps us consider the long-term impact of our self-care choices in there here and now.
Contextual fit
Self-care activities need to be a good fit for your context. What could really benefit you in any given moment is going to depend on your context. For example, if you’re feeling great and free of any bugs and viruses, a bracing walk in nature could be just the thing. But if you’re battling an illness, bed rest and avoiding work is a more appropriate investment in your wellbeing.
This also extends to copying what others do. Rather than simply copying them, find out why they feel it works for them. You might be able to achieve the same results using a different approach.
So no bubble baths?
Soak away! As long as there’s nothing you can think of that would improve your situation more in this moment. The whole point is to invest your time and energy into something that’s going to contribute to your wellbeing. Proactively carving out time for relaxation is a great example of this – as long as it’s not a form of avoidance or denial.
Self-care could also take the form of socialising, enjoying alone time, playing video games, cancelling social plans, journaling, batch-cooking some meals, hitting the gym, reaching out for help and support, or meditation.
Next time
In the next post in this series, I’m going to take a look at some of the common pitfalls you can avoid when it comes to self-care. Until then, have a think about the various things you’re doing to invest in your wellbeing and whether they represent a good fit for the principles above.
Want to learn more?
Check out our Wellbeing Essentials courses, including how to cultivate healthy and sustainable self-care routines.
